Yesterday
After dropping my wife off at work I drove to Canterbury, a few miles down the A2 towards Dover. I parked the car in Pound Lane car park and declined the offer from a man in a yellow jacket to have my vehicle cleaned. I paid for my parking using Ringo, a new system implemented by Canterbury City Council whereby you phone a number and pay by credit card, which is useful when you don’t have any coins.
I walked into the town centre, passing Westgate Hall where there was a Collector’s Fair starting, and also passing The Cricketers pub where a new winter menu is now underway. I walked towards the newsagent next to Cargill’s opticians and went inside the newsagent. I bought The Guardian newspaper and a packet of Extra Strong Mints and then left the newsagent. I walked along the high street, which is an old version of the A2 and used to lead to Dover. I stopped at a Santander cashpoint and withdrew ten pounds, then continued along the high street until I reached Caffe Nero, where I went inside.
There were two people ahead of me in the queue at Caffe Nero. While I waited my turn, I looked around me at the room and saw that there were five or six people already drinking coffee. The barrista took my order along with the order of the person in front of me. My order was only a small black coffee so it was ready before the order of the person in front of me. I paid £1.80 for my drink and declined the offer of a loyalty card and then took my drink with me to the stairs. As I climbed the stairs I spilt some of the coffee into the saucer. At the top of the stairs I saw that there was nobody else in that section of the coffee shop. I turned left and sat at a round table with two leather armchairs next to the fireplace.
I put my drink down on the round table and then took my wallet and phone from my coat pocket and put them on the table as well, along with my newspaper. I took off my coat and placed it on one of the leather armchairs. I sat down on the other leather armchair and picked up the newspaper. First, I turned through the pages of the main section. I read the news stories about which I was not already aware, and skimmed the headlines of the news stories about which I was already aware. After the main section, I turned to the Review section of the newspaper. I read half of the first story in the Review section, and I also read the ‘My Hero…’ piece. I picked up my drink and sipped it. The coffee was strong, and I remembered that I had planned to ask for only one shot of coffee but hadn’t done and therefore had two shots of coffee in my drink. It was also tepid by now. I put down my drink and continued to read the newspaper. I read several book reviews and then picked up the Sports section to see a preview of the day’s football. I drank some more of my drink. I turned through the magazine and read about Jay-Z, and also read about a blind date.
I put down the newspaper and turned my attention to my drink. Now, it was cold. I decided to leave it, even though I had only drunk about a quarter of the drink. I stood and put on my coat and put my wallet and phone in my pocket. I ate an Extra Strong Mint. I folded my newspaper under my arm and walked down the stairs and out through the door of Caffe Nero into the high street. I walked along the high street and went into Waterstone’s. I browsed the shelves for the new Russell Hoban book that I had read about in the newspaper but it wasn’t there. I left Waterstone’s and walked to the other Waterstone’s around the corner. I again browsed for the new Russell Hoban book but it wasn’t there. I left Waterstone’s and walked back along the high street the way I had come. At the bottom of the high street I went into Oxfam Books and browsed the shelves. I found an old Russell Hoban book and took it to the counter. I paid £2 for the book and received a penny in change, which I put into the collection tin on the counter. I held the book with my newspaper underneath my arm and left Oxfam Books. I walked back to Pound Lane car park. I received a text message alerting me that my parking session was about to expire.
Back in the car, I drove away from Pound Lane listening to Radio 5Live. I had it on quite quietly. I drove out of Canterbury on the A2 and took the turn-off for Boughton and Dunkirk. I drove around a lengthy bend and then drove down Boughton Hill into Boughton. I drove through Boughton until I reached our house, then parked outside our house. I took my newspaper and book out of the car and opened the door to our house, then went inside our house. I took off my shoes and coat and put my coat down on the sofa. I also put down my newspaper and book on the sofa, then I went to the stairs. On the way upstairs to the room at the top of our house I went into the bathroom and urinated. Then I continued to the room at the top of our house. In the room at the top of our house I sat at my desk and moved the mouse of my computer so that the screen lit up. I opened Safari and began to browse the internet. I performed a Google search for Russell Hoban and found a photo of his writing room. I also found his Wikipedia page. I read his Wikipedia page. I also read a number of different blogs.
I went back down the stairs and into the living room. I sat on the sofa and looked at the Russell Hoban book I had bought. I stood from the sofa and went down the stairs into the kitchen. In the kitchen, I looked at the shelves and decided that they were messy. I took everything down from the shelves and then put everything back up onto the shelves with a better sense of order. I was pleased with how the shelves looked. I then opened the door to the kitchen cupboard to the left of the sink. I took everything out of the kitchen cupboard to the left of the sink and placed it all on the worktop. I took a damp cloth and cleaned the inside of the kitchen cupboard to the left of the sink. I took a black bin-bag and put all of the useless things from the kitchen cupboard to the left of the sink into the bin-bag. I tied up the bin-bag and placed it next to the back door. I ate an Extra Strong Mint. I replaced everything from the kitchen cupboard next to the sink into the kitchen cupboard next to the sink, with a better sense of order. I looked inside the kitchen cupboard to the left of the sink and was pleased with how it looked. There were some dirty plates and cups on the worktop so I ran some hot water with some washing-up liquid and cleaned the dirty plates and cups. I then dried the now-clean plates and cups and placed them in their correct position on the shelves. Then I sprayed anti-bacterial spray onto the worktop and wiped it down. I looked at everything and was pleased with how it all looked.
I took another bin-bag and walked upstairs to the bedroom. I pulled out all of the drawers of the bedside cabinets and placed useless things into the bin-bag. Then I replaced all of the non-useless things in the drawers of the bedside cabinets. I walked downstairs to the bathroom and opened the top drawer of the bathroom cabinet. I took out all of the useless things from the bathroom cabinet and placed them in the bin-bag. I tied up the bin-bag and took it downstairs and placed it next to the other bin-bag next to the door.
It was now lunchtime. I took two slices of bread from the loaf and placed them on our butcher’s block. I took the butter and spread butter on each slice of bread. I took ham from the fridge and placed two slices of ham onto one of the slices of bread. I took a tub of mayonnaise and spread mayonnaise onto the other slice of bread. I took a large packet of crisps from the shelves and placed crisps on top of the ham, and then placed one slice of bread onto the other and then used a knife to slice the sandwich in two. I placed the sandwich on a large plate and then placed crisps onto the plate next to the sandwich. I took the plate into the living room and placed it on the arm of the sofa. I switched on the TV and sat down. I used the remote to select a programme from the Sky+ planner and the programme began. It was a performance of a Chekhov play which lasted half an hour. It was one of a series of Chekhov plays currently being broadcast on the Sky Arts channel. While I watched the programme I ate my sandwich and also the crisps on the plate. I finished eating about halfway through the programme. I watched the rest of the programme without eating anything, and then when the programme was finished I turned off the TV using the remote and then stood and took my empty plate into the kitchen. I had left the packet of ham and tub of mayonnaise and also the butter and loaf of bread on the butcher’s block. I used the same water that I had run earlier to wash up and I washed up my plate and also the knife I had used. I dried the items and replaced them in their correct positions on the shelves and in the drawer to the left of the sink. I replaced the tub of mayonnaise in the kitchen cupboard next to the sink and replaced the packet of ham in the fridge. I replaced the loaf of bread and the butter next to the toaster on the worktop. I used a cloth to wipe up any crumbs that had landed on the butcher’s block and also on the worktop.
I walked back upstairs to the room at the top of our house, stopping on the way to urinate in the bathroom. When I reached the room at the top of our house I sat down at my desk and moved the mouse of my computer so that the screen lit up. I opened a Word document and began to write. I wrote several paragraphs of a story. I ate an Extra Strong Mint. I decided to go for a walk, so I stood and walked downstairs. I put on my coat but when I looked out through the window I decided that I didn’t want to go for a walk after all, so I took my coat off again. I sat down on the sofa and picked up the Russell Hoban book I had bought. I read it for some time, until my phone started to ring. It was my wife. I answered the phone and she asked me to pick her up from work. I said that I would. I stood from the sofa and put on my shoes. I put on my coat. I left the house.
